Monday was my last day working in NYC. To be honest I’ve never really liked New York (Cue gasp…). I’ve just never been a fan of large crowds and the busy-ness. There’s people everywhere! The city just makes me think way too much. Think about how many different kinds of people there are and what each individual’s life is like. I envision each apartment holding a family, holding individual and corporate lives. Do they know God? Are they happy? Do they like what they do? What is their purpose? What’s their story?
Tons of questions roaming thru my head. It’s actually quite exhausting.
But I digress… I came to the city last year right after the holidays to pursue my dream of working in the music industry. Definitely not an easy task and I was told multiple times by concerned elders. But my first opportunity out of college popped up at Warner Music Group, home of Atlantic records, Reprise Records, ADA and some of my favorite artists Needtobreathe, Ed Sheehan, Lianne Lehavas… A temporary position as a front desk receptionist. Great foot in the door.
It’s been almost about a year since then. I have met so many great people there. People who have supported me and were willing to sit down for lunches and talks about how to get my resume looking classy. And just people to swap stories with. And I’ve worked side by side with people going after the same dream and experiencing the same real struggle. Interview after interview. Application after application. The entire process is daunting but still, the goal is to keep trying just to land the job.
Eventually I started to get really good at interviewing, so good that I didn’t Sony kept calling me back for more interviews to positions I didn’t even apply for. But I grew tired of interviews; and I don’t know if it was confidence in my interview abilities or a feeling of defeat form not landing a job, but I just stopped preparing for them. I stopped getting excited enough to practice my best answers to the top 20 most asked interview questions. And that’s exactly how I went into my last interview… flippantly confident and unprepared. Perhaps a bit more unprepared for what I was getting myself into than I thought.
The job on the table was a promotions assistant. Assistant to two really great bosses who specialize in getting songs AirPlay on top 40. They gave it to me pretty straight in the interview. They were looking for an assistant who would learn the ropes the ins and outs of promotion and then when my card gets pulled, they would ship u out to anywhere in the United States and I would become regional manager for radio promotion in that region. Are u willing to relocate? Ummmm… To be honest i had no idea how to answer. I mean, potential for regional manager in just two years with the prospect of making some serious dough? Can you say cha-Ching? But that would require of course a lot of arduous time and effort, not to mention going to shows late at night, shmoozing with professionals tip 1 in the morning and still having to be up at six in the morning to make the long commute back home. Do busses even run this late? It means late night calls, dinners and parties at night clubs. It’s a 24/7 job. Are u ok with that?
You know that moment in the interview where you don’t really know what to do with yourself but you also can’t show the panic on your face because of course you both want and need a job? Yea, that was me. The projection of this life-changing job was just too much to be thrown at me in a matter of a fifteen minute interview.
I left the room kind of in a panic. Here it was everything I wanted right here in front of me but why did I feel so uneasy? Did I really want this?
It’s funny when God answers your prayers and you find out that it really wasn’t what you wanted at all. It took some digging and soul searching to find out the real reason why I wanted this job so badly or to be in the music industry in itself. Security. It was the next logical step after college. The safest bet for an aspiring artist. It was a secure career.
Yes it was all of those things. One thing it wasn’t… It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t something I wanted after all. What I wanted was security. What I wanted was a title. What I wanted was to say to others Look at my job! I’m really doing something great with my life! I’m not a failure! But what good is it to gain the whole world and lose your soul? What good is it to lay my security in a job instead of the hands of God and the purpose he set up for me. I honestly feel like my true calling is somewhere in ministry, even though at this point I don’t know in what way that is going to come about.
And so, I turned down the job opportunity (most people thought I was crazy for that) and looked for a new opportunity. Something closer to home. It took almost a year to figure it out, but I don’t regret it. I connected with some amazing people many of whom have blessed my life in ways I will never forget. And the simple fact is that God in all his faithfulness leaves nothing to waste. Everything, every connection, every hour spent, every wrong turn, every misled desire… He will use it to bring about his perfect purpose as long as we remain in Him. So in whatever this adventure was for me, whether a wrong turn or a moment of seasonal growth, God’s behind it and He will use it for His glory.
So until the next adventure… so long New York!