Leaving NYC

October 9, 2014

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Monday was my last day working in NYC. To be honest I’ve never really liked New York (Cue gasp…). I’ve just never been a fan of large crowds and the busy-ness. There’s people everywhere! The city just makes me think way too much. Think about how many different kinds of people there are and what each individual’s life is like. I envision each apartment holding a family, holding individual and corporate lives. Do they know God? Are they happy? Do they like what they do? What is their purpose? What’s their story?

Tons of questions roaming thru my head. It’s actually quite exhausting. 

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But I digress… I came to the city last year right after the holidays to pursue my dream of working in the music industry. Definitely not an easy task and I was told multiple times by concerned elders. But my first opportunity out of college popped up at Warner Music Group, home of Atlantic records, Reprise Records, ADA and some of my favorite artists Needtobreathe, Ed Sheehan, Lianne Lehavas… A temporary position as a front desk receptionist. Great foot in the door. 

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It’s been almost about a year since then. I have met so many great people there. People who have supported me and were willing to sit down for lunches and talks about how to get my resume looking classy. And just people to swap stories with. And I’ve worked side by side with people going after the same dream and experiencing the same real struggle. Interview after interview. Application after application. The entire process is daunting but still, the goal is to keep trying just to land the job. 

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Eventually I started to get really good at interviewing, so good that I didn’t Sony kept calling me back for more interviews to positions I didn’t even apply for. But I grew tired of interviews; and I don’t know if it was confidence in my interview abilities or a feeling of defeat form not landing a job, but I just stopped preparing for them. I stopped getting excited enough to practice my best answers to the top 20 most asked interview questions.  And that’s exactly how I went into my last interview… flippantly confident and unprepared. Perhaps a bit more unprepared for what I was getting myself into than I thought. 

The job on the table was a promotions assistant. Assistant to two really great bosses who specialize in getting songs AirPlay on top 40. They gave it to me pretty straight in the interview. They were looking for an assistant who would learn the ropes the ins and outs of promotion and then when my card gets pulled, they would ship u out to anywhere in the United States and I would become regional manager for radio promotion in that region. Are u willing to relocate? Ummmm… To be honest i had no idea how to answer. I mean, potential for regional manager in just two years with the prospect of making some serious dough? Can you say cha-Ching? But that would require of course a lot of arduous time and effort, not to mention going to shows late at night, shmoozing with professionals tip 1 in the morning and still having to be up at six in the morning to make the long commute back home. Do busses even run this late? It means late night calls, dinners and parties at night clubs. It’s a 24/7 job. Are u ok with that? 

You know that moment in the interview where you don’t really know what to do with yourself but you also can’t show the panic on your face because of course you both want and need a job? Yea, that was me. The projection of this life-changing job was just too much to be thrown at me in a matter of a fifteen minute interview. 

I left the room kind of in a panic. Here it was everything I wanted right here in front of me but why did I feel so uneasy? Did I really want this? 

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It’s funny when God answers your prayers and you find out that it really wasn’t what you wanted at all. It took some digging and soul searching to find out the real reason why I wanted this job so badly or to be in the music industry in itself. Security. It was the next logical step after college. The safest bet for an aspiring artist. It was a secure career. 

Yes it was all of those things. One thing it wasn’t… It wasn’t me. 

It wasn’t something I wanted after all. What I wanted was security. What I wanted was a title. What I wanted was to say to others Look at my job! I’m really doing something great with my life! I’m not a failure!  But what good is it to gain the whole world and lose your soul? What good is it to lay my security in a job instead of the hands of God and the purpose he set up for me. I honestly feel like my true calling is somewhere in ministry, even though at this point I don’t know in what way that is going to come about. 
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And so, I turned down the job opportunity (most people thought I was crazy for that) and looked for a new opportunity. Something closer to home. It took almost a year to figure it out, but I don’t regret it. I connected with some amazing people many of whom have blessed my life in ways I will never forget. And the simple fact is that God in all his faithfulness leaves nothing to waste. Everything, every connection, every hour spent, every wrong turn, every misled desire… He will use it to bring about his perfect purpose as long as we remain in Him. So in whatever this adventure was for me, whether a wrong turn or a moment of seasonal growth, God’s behind it and He will use it for His glory.

So until the next adventure… so long New York!

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Birthing Something New

September 26, 2014

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“For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay” (Habakkuk 2:3)

“If I have learned one thing in ministry, it is that most God dreams take longer than we think, cost more than we ever thought we would have to pay, and are far more painful to birth than we ever imagined. Nothing great happens overnight.” – Christine Caine 

In this season of life, nothing seems to be more true. Sometimes it’s what I call the “Unbearable Wait” (pun intended). A season of breaking, pushing and pulling, stretching, fighting… and more subtly a season of strengthening, character, faith building and patient endurance.

Like a woman who is expecting, God is trying to birth something out of us, but the process is any thing but quick and easy. In this wait alone, we may grow weary/faint, our faith may turn into fear and doubt, because it seems like this baby (this weighty call/purpose dying to come forth) that God keeps talking about ain’t rearing it’s head anytime soon. Restlessness sets in; so does confusion and all of our flesh cries out GET ME OUT OF HERE! 

This journey in the waiting is a process. Any mother with new life cooking in the oven would prefer a full bake, but ask most pregnant women and they would have at some point during their pregnancy outwardly yelled GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME! way before their last trimester. But we all know what happens when you remove the baby from the womb before it’s appointed time… you get a premature child who may not be able to survive on it’s own or struggles more than they have to. In essence, You abort mission before it’s time of fulfillment and so ,you abort a dream.

If we want the fullness of the promise then we must allow the process to take its full course no matter how uncomfortable it may be. And that’s where we NEED to bring ourselves back to the word of God. I love Psalm 119:50:

This is my comfort in my affliction,
    that your promise gives me life.

Hold on to the promise, the Word of God over your life. It is our comfort in affliction. Our pickles and mayonnaise in times of intense craving for our future to begin so-to-speak. I know… weird metaphor but it kinda works lol.

Quite frankly, I’ve seen more disappointment this year than in many years before. I’ve doubted myself, doubted my dreams, doubted my calling and just about every decision I have made… but I refuse to give up my confession of faith in the promise God has for me. That’s not really by my choice either. God’s grace won’t let me walk away from the promise. When it seems that I’ve lost all hope, He reminds me… through a word, through a friend, through a prayer, through a sign. He won’t let me walk away from that which He has called me to. For that, I am grateful.

A very wise friend of mine wrote this week in her new blog post this week,

“Our waiting, does not, diminish us. It only speaks of something very real, on the way… like a pregnant woman who awaits the birth of her child.. we get more joy in the waiting. It’s coming, and it’s closer.”

So here it is, the Lesson of the day: Learn to wait well. Accept the process. Know that there’s always pain in the process but nothing truly great is birthed without it. You are being shaped, molded, and wonderfully made for the purpose you have been chosen for and called to like a baby in it’s mothers womb. And when the time comes, you will see the vision come to pass before your own eyes. Don’t despise the process. Focus on the joy of what you cannot yet see. Focus on the promise and Wait well.

“A woman does not give birth before she feels the pain;
    she does not give birth to a son before the pain starts.
No one has ever heard of that happening;
    no one has ever seen that happen.
In the same way no one ever saw a country begin in one day;
    no one has ever heard of a new nation beginning in one moment.
But Jerusalem will give birth to her children
    just as soon as she feels the birth pains.
In the same way I will not cause pain
    without allowing something new to be born,” says the Lord.
“If I cause you the pain,
    I will not stop you from giving birth to your new nation,” says your God. 

-Isaiah 66: 7-9

Perception is Everything

August 22, 2014

Our perception is everything.
Everything we face in life will run through the lens of our perceptions and our eyes will judge through them. The way we perceive God affects the way we behave towards Him and respectively, the way we view God will determine the way we view life.
There are so many aspects of God and we are learning Him each day, the way newly weds learn their spouses in a whole new way. With every day, we reach a new intimacy in Him. Our perceptions change. The more we truly seek Him, the more we get past the hurts of our own experiences and we see God for who He truly is.
We no longer compare Him to the failures of mankind, the tragic disappointment of absent fathers, and untrustworthy friends just to name a few. We no longer hold him to the expectations of mere men. We trust in Him because daily He shows Himself to be a loving Father. We rest in Him. We confide in Him. We spend time with Him. We put our faith in Him because day by day He proves Himself to be faithful.
To know the Father. To know of His works through His Son Jesus Christ. When we see everything, not in our own faulty perceptions but in the light of the eternal gospel, that is when we truly take hold of the kingdom and when God will manifest His glory through us.
And to think we can spend an entire lifetime seeking Him out to learn everything about Him and yet never even scratch the surface of His eternal grace and truth. He is a beautiful endless mystery, constantly giving us just enough to keep us enveloped in His wonder.
Our perception of God is everything. Ask Him to continually renew your perception of Him, to reveal Himself to you in a completely new way. Ask Him to reveal Himself as your Father, your Provider, your Comfort and little by little your faulty perceptions of God will be removed like scales from your eyes. Your faith will be strengthened and your intimacy with God will grow.